As I walk through the empty aisle dullness of the corridor surrounds me as I move through the darkness.
As I went inside I see drapes, depressed, giving me a gloomy feeling.
The curtain gave me speckles of light flowing through the curtains.
I heard faint crying.
The darkness of the room was giving me a creepy feeling, as if someone was watching me from a distance.
As I moved closer I could hear it shrieking, as if it was trying to escape the feeling of stress it was giving me now.
I moved one step back, trying to find the imposter who was giving all this tension.
The voice came louder and louder! My heart was beating faster and faster!
I have to escape from whatever it was.
This felling wasn’t worth being waited for, now.
This is not something you’d want to be eager for.
There is only one word that could describe this awful feeling.
This feeling is unpleasant.
2 comments:
Hi Daniel,
I'm glad you wanted me to see your writing. I have a few comments. It is the English teacher in me to question everything. :)
1) I can't picture the dullness of the corridor in the darkness.
2) Drapes depressed? Do they make you depressed? If so explain how.
3) Fourth line from the bottom "felling" should be "feeling"
I get that you are trying to describe the feeling you have in this corridor with the creepy noise, but you don't paint a picture with words describing the feeling. I don't get a creepy feeling reading it. It needs more description of the sounds and what you are seeing or thinking. I hope this helps. If you decide to make changes, I'd love to see the final copy. :) Mrs. T
Really good imagery. I liked how you used good adjectives to create a picture.
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